We are all “Attention-Seekers”- and that’s okay! 

A seven-year-old girl is at a doctor’s appointment with her mother. The mother and the doctor are having a discussion, but the daughter is standing in the corner of the room spinning in a circle saying “Mom! Mom look! I’m spinning so fast!” The mom asks the girl to wait one moment for their conversation to finish and turns back to the doctor. The daughter’s response is to act dramatically dizzy and fall to the ground with a loud “OOF! I fell!” Is this attention-seeking? And if so, is that an inherent “behavior issue”? Let’s talk about that!

Anyone who works with youth has heard the term “attention-seeking behaviors” used at some point. It is often used in a negative context, describing behaviors that are outside of our social “norm”- interrupting, exaggerated or repetitive speech or body movements, physical contact (stepping into direct line of sight, repeated tapping, etc.) or even constantly requesting praise for their work (did I do a good job?). Parents will often hear about these “attention-seeking behaviors” during conversations with their children’s teachers because they can be disruptive in a classroom setting. But is there a line between attention-seeking and simply wanting someone’s attention?

Attention-seeking behaviors are present throughout all stages of our lifespan and can be perfectly normal. As infants we cry to seek the attentions of our caretakers, as that is the only form of communication that an infant knows. During the toddler years, crying is still a viable option for attention, but now the child may use single words or phrases to communicate their wants or needs (Mama! Milk! More! No!). The older we get, the more effectively we are able to communicate when we need attention, and we have a better understanding of societal “norms” (like the idea that interrupting someone is rude). In adulthood, attention-seeking behavior is simply asking for someone’s attention when the time is appropriate (“Excuse me, can I ask you something?”).

When we consider those who are neurodivergent, development can vary greatly. Students with ADHD, for example, get reports of “attention-seeking” behaviors frequently, when it may not truly be attention that they need. Based on research we know that individuals with ADHD have a shortage of dopamine (a “happy” chemical) in their brains. A lot of their resulting behaviors (fidgeting, impulse control, sustaining attention) are simply seeking a release of dopamine in their brain- not seeking attention from others at all.

“Attention-seeking”, while an accurate descriptor in some cases, is a widely overused term in the world of behavior. As educators and other youth workers, being specific on what a behavior is and why the student is resorting to it is extremely important. Most humans seek attention daily, the “behavior concerns” only come into play when a student does not yet know how to get someone’s attention in an appropriate manner. So, parents, yes- your child is seeking your attention, and no, that is not necessarily a bad thing! They simply need to be taught a positive way to do so.